she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
