I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
