I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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