hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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