I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize