if you like me you must not know who I am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
