tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
home. puking in laundry basket.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
