Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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