He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
