It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
