doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
