brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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