I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
