She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
