i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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