After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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