oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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