my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
