I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
time to smoke my breakfast
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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