I seem to have left my pride at pride
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
