Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
