I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
