im six kinds of drunk right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have so many feelings about this burrito
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
