I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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