I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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