I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
