I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
