So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
