You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
