i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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