The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
