My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
