It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
