It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
