So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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