is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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