i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Panties = found
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
