My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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