so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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