dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
