People with herpes should wear stickers.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
