If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
