Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
