god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
