This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
