You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize