He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
