ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
