Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
