she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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