he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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