I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
