Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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