god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
