I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
