It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
