Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
