As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
