i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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