I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
