Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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