I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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