just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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