What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
