i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
