Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
