I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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