Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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