ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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