How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
two words...techno handjob
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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