i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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