I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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