So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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