i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
