sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
