Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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