I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
